Nine Inch Nails
by SironaFlett .o.x.o
Summary: Jane is struggling to come to terms with his new feelings for Lisbon. Everything logical forbids it; the death of his family, Red John, procedure... There is no just cause for him to fall in love with her. But he does.
1. Chapter 1

**Ah, my recent obsession coming into fruition. Enjoy **

Jane bent down and carefully balanced the straws together creating an arch, the blue tac as an anchor. Van Pelt watched curious as he picked up the balloon and placed it just above the straws. For a minute it bobbed there without much interest. Then it began to rise. Van Pelt frowned, completely confused as Jane demonstrated that there were no wires attached.

Cho looked over. "I wish to god that you would stop that."

Jane grinned. "Why? Does it bother you?"

Cho held nothing back. "Yes. It really does."

Jane grabbed the balloon and rubbed it on Van Pelt's hair – much to her dismay.

"It took me an hour to get it right this morning," She said, touching the raised strands.

"Oh, I'm sure that you'll survive." Jane replied. "Watch, the static reacts to the plastic straws. Innit that cool?" He leaned down, his legs bent so that he was eye level with the desk. "Isn't it cool Teresa?"

Lisbon looked up from her work. Her eyes glazed over Jane's little experiment. "Oh yeah, exceedingly cool. Are you going to do something useful?"

Jane stood up, popping the balloon. "I'm providing entertainment." He said. He looked down at Van Pelt who had jumped at the bang of the balloon. "I'm sorry," He said. "Did I scare you?"

She shook her head but tried keeping her hand steady – and out of Jane's view. He caught the tremor though.

Lisbon snapped the file shut. It didn't make the satisfying snap noise that she was trying to achieve. She grabbed the two straws and then leapt back holding her palm. Jane grinned.

"Static shock," He said. "Careful now."

Lisbon sighed defeated and turned away. "Where's Rigsby?" She asked.

"Oh... He called in about half an hour ago." Cho said. "He said he had some family issues to work through."

Jane laughed. Lisbon put her hands on her hips. "You think family troubles are funny?" She asked.

"Well... Not especially..." Jane gave another snigger. "it's just that he would use that as an excuse."

"What if he's not lying?" Van Pelt asked.

"Nah," Jane said. "He would have told you."

Van Pelt went suddenly very red and began to hide her face. Jane grinned stupidly again. "I know it's a lie because nobody ever says family troubles – he didn't tell you where he was, therefore he doesn't want you to know. He will tell Cho because... Well... it's Bert and Ernie, isn't it? He couldn't say sleeping with a girl on the phone so he said family troubles."

"You are one hell of a liar," Lisbon said.

"Well I would be," Jane said, producing a card from the table. "If it weren't for this."

Cho frowned. "What the hell is that?"

Jane grinned. "'Wayne; thanks ever so much for the help you gave me last week. I would like it so much if you could join me for a drink. The Royale 8pm, tonight' kiss, kiss, kiss. Wow, three kisses. Must be love. I think he might be over you Grace,"

Van Pelt said nothing.

"Did you plant that there?" Lisbon asked.

Jane looked affronted. "How dare you! I never fabricate evidence!"

Lisbon raised an eyebrow.

Jane looked away weakly. "Apart from that one time when I... Um... Hey who wants coffee?"

Lisbon rolled her eyes and moved away. Jane winked over at Van Pelt and moved over to his sofa. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He opened them again. Lisbon was standing over him.

"Oh, can I not have ten minutes on my own?" He asked.

"You've had an entire morning to yourself." Lisbon replied. "Do some work."

"But I don't want to." Jane replied. "It's a bit boring."

"Do work, or I'll kick your ass outta here." Lisbon said.

Jane sat up. "Alright, what do you want me to do?"

Lisbon stood solid for a minute. She began to fume angrily and walked off. Jane smiled to himself and fell back on his sofa.


	2. Chapter 2

Jane couldn't sleep. There was a movie playing out in his head and he couldn't quite swipe it away. No matter how many times he wanted his mind to remain blank, the images coursed around, taunting him. The kiss he gave Angela and Charlotte that morning. Getting home and moving his little girl's bike out of the way, all his fame on the walls of his large home. Smiling as he ran up the stairs, anxious to see his family before he went to sleep again. The pictures of him and his lovely family. The white note on the door, stuck with cellotape. The words that grew evermore cruel as he read them. The terror filling inside him. The silver door handle, it turning under his fingers as he opened it to see the bloody signature on the wall. He never imagined it to be the most dramatic music as he entered. When remembering it was soft, melancholy. Acoustic in nature but still full of anguish and pain. Jane saw it as a film - it only made sense that there was music.

He turned uncomfortable on his sofa. He could hear the busyness of the office around him. He wanted to ask them to shush, but he knew that Cho would make a sarcastic comment, Rigsby would chuckle and Grace would follow suit to fit in. And Lisbon. Well she was in her office trying to fix another mess that he had made. He smiled at the thought.

"What are you smiling at?" Rigsby asked.

Jane opened his eyes and unfolded his arms, running his fingers through his hair. He yawned as if just waking from a nice nap. "I was thinking," He said.

"About what?" Cho asked, putting the phone down.

"It was..." Jane turned on his back. "It was... Ah, never mind. Not important."

"Alright," Cho shrugged and returned to his work. Jane stretched and got up from the sofa. Grace was not around. He raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. He rolled down his sleeves and pulled on his suit jacket. He buttoned the cuffs and went through to the small kitchen.

Lisbon was sitting at one of the tables. Her hand against her head and a bottle of water clutched in her other hand. In front of her were a bottle of pills. Jane picked them up.

"What's with the headaches?" He asked.

Lisbon looked up, her bright eyes widening. "I do not have a headache." She said forcefully.

"Liar." Jane said, getting his favourite cup and saucer from the cupboard. He filled the kettle and put it on the stove.

"Liar?" Lisbon asked.

"Yes, I am. So are you," Jane said. He found the tea bags and shovelled some sugar to the bottom of the cup. "You want to keep it secret so that means that they have been going on for a while. You don't want people to know your sick."

Lisbon said nothing. Jane waited for her snarky reply. When it didn't come he looked around. Lisbon had gone. He frowned.

"Lisbon?" He asked. He started towards her office, she had drawn the blinds. He opened the door and poked his head in. "Are you alright?" He asked.

Lisbon was sitting, her legs crossed and leaning back in her chair. Her elbow leaned against her desk and her hand on her head. Her eyes closed and breathing deeply.

"I don't want to talk about it," She murmured.

Jane nodded. "Why not?"

"Because it's personal."

"So?" He shut the door behind him.

"So, it's unprofessional. We don't discuss private matters on duty,"

"So? I talk about my private life all the time." Jane said.

"Yes," Lisbon sighed. "But you're not part of the team."

Jane nodded. "Way to go make me feel welcome, Teresa," He turned and started out the door.

"Jane!" Lisbon cried. He stopped and turned, looking at her. She sighed. "I'm sorry,"

"Apology accepted." Jane said, sitting opposite her. "You wanna talk?"

"What are you my psychiatrist?"

"So that's a yes?"

Lisbon pouted, turning in her chair to face him. "It's nothing, really,"

"If it was nothing you would take to me about it," Jane replied, sipping at his tea. "But because you're so guarded, I have to assume it's something about your brothers,"

"No," Lisbon replied.

Jane frowned. "Really?"

"Really," Lisbon replied.

"Oh," Jane looked away embarrassed. "Sorry,"

"It's okay," She said.

"Well what is it?" Jane asked.

"Nothing," Lisbon replied.

"Teresa," Jane said, his voice commanding. "Please, I only want to help."

Lisbon looked away. "I'm just going through something,"

"Oh," Jane nodded. "Womanly problems?"

"No!" Lisbon replied.

"Yeah, you're right, few more weeks yet." Jane said.

"Jane would you stop talking about my periods?" Lisbon snapped.

"What? I've had to deal with them," Jane shrugged. Lisbon raised her eyebrows. "Well not me personally, but Angela was a woman. She had problems... See where I'm going with this?"

Lisbon stared at him. "That's really the first time you've used your wife's name without referring to Red John," She said.

Jane looked away, his eyes darting around the room. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah," He got up. "Sorry for bothering you,"

"Sit down," Lisbon ordered.

Jane shook his head and left the office. "Jane!" Lisbon called after him. He didn't look around. He hurried away from the office; he had left his tea behind. He was desperately trying not to show tears. He wanted to scream. He just wanted to scream and tear at his hair. It had just slipped out. He had never meant to mention Angela's name. He had never meant to say it. He made a point never to say it because he knew that if he did, if he even mentioned his family he would end up remembering the events of that day, his own stupidity, arrogance and he was disgusted at himself. Only he was allowed to know of the truth. The truth that he was tearing at the seams. No one was allowed to know how deranged he was becoming.

He could hear Lisbon following behind him. She grabbed his arm and forced him to look at her.

"What the hell is going on with you?" She asked.

He looked at her and for a moment he saw her face. His wife's face. And he blinked, staring at her. Almost willing it to be true. He shook his head, pulled away and left.


	3. Chapter 3

"Have you seen Jane?" Lisbon asked, slamming a file in front of Van Pelt.

She looked up from her computer. "He clocked out early,"

"To go where?"

"Didn't say,"

"You didn't ask or he lied and you figured it out?" Lisbon asked.

"No I mean," Van Pelt stood up and wandered over to Cho's desk, sticking a note to his computer. "I mean, I couldn't be bothered listening to his ill-gotten excuses."

"Damnit." Lisbon said, pulling out her phone.

"What's the worst he can do?" Van Pelt asked. "We're not on a case."

"Yeah, but knowing him he'll make a case. Or at least give me something to worry about." Lisbon replied. "Pick up the phone!"

Van Pelt raised a perfect eyebrow. "Maybe he's just avoiding you," Lisbon turned to look at her. Van Pelt shrugged. "We all saw him leave after talking to you. Did you say something?"

Lisbon frowned, and shook her head. "No, at least I don't think I did."

"He's going through things," Van Pelt shrugged. "It's only natural."

"What things?" Lisbon asked. "And if you say manly problems I swear to god, I will slap someone senseless."

Van Pelt stared at her boss. "Friday is his wedding anniversary," she said. "He's bound to be on edge."

Lisbon sighed, and stared at the dialling screen of her mobile. She shut it. "Of course," She said.

"Didn't you know that already?" Van Pelt asked.

"What do you mean?" Lisbon replied, haughtily.

"Well, you've worked with him the longest," The redhead shrugged. "I thought that you would know."

"I've had a lot of things on my mind." Lisbon replied. She looked around. The office was beginning to quieten down as the night set in. "Alright, go home." She said.

"Go home?"

"Well, like you said," Lisbon replied. "No cases, Rigsby and Cho have gone; all you're doing is paperwork. Go. You can finish it tomorrow."

Grace nodded. "Alright." She said. "Night boss,"

"Night."

Teresa stared around the office before picking up her jacket and leaving.

...

Jane was lying on the mattress staring at the ceiling. His eyes darted to and from the image of the red smiling face above his head. His thumb twisted the ring on his finger. He wasn't thinking. It hurt too much to think. He lay there in the dark waiting for something. Anything. Beside him was a small notebook in which he had detailed everything he knew about Red John. It was running dry. The only real specifics were his voice, the way Roslind had described him a few days before he shot Sheriff Hardy, Kristina's seemingly catatonic state and some other specifics that were too insignificant to mention. There was no point. No point to it all. He knew that. In his heart he knew that. He turned on his side, facing the wall.

"Angela?" He whispered. "I know you can't hear me," His breathing filled the air. "I just want to pretend that you can. That you're still here..."

Silence.

"Do you remember the wedding?" He asked. "Do you remember that your car was twenty minutes late. You were so upset when you almost ripped your veil. You didn't really care if the other carnies turned up. You were more distraught when the cake didn't arrive. Do you remember that?"

Nothing.

Patrick sighed. He rolled over onto his back looking up at the ceiling again. He shook his head. There was a knocking at the door. He ignored it. He felt a buzz against his hip. He pulled out his cell phone. It was Lisbon.

_I'm outside. Let me in._

He smiled. He heard the knocking start up again and someone shout his name. He rolled off the mattress and stood for a second. Maybe she had gone. Maybe he didn't need to confront-

"JANE!"

He snapped back into reality. He sighed and made his way downstairs. The letters were now piling up and overflowing on the desk. He shoved some to the side with his foot and unlocked the door. He leaned against the frame staring at the petite figure of his boss.

"Hello Teresa," He said exhausted. "What can I do for you?"

Lisbon looked at him. "I'm sorry," She said.

"Why apologise?" He asked. "It was my fault entirely,"

"No," She replied. "I made the situation uncomfortable for you,"

"I repeat, it was my own fault. And I apologise. Now, goodnight," he made to close the door, Lisbon stopped it with her foot, stepping inside. "Did I ask you to come in?" He asked confused.

"I know what's wrong with you," She said.

"Ah," Jane nodded. "Goodnight," He repeated.

"I'll tell you what's going on with me, if you just talk. You must be messed up right now." Lisbon replied.

"Well that certainly is a very enticing deal," Jane said. "But I am afraid that I'll pass on the opportunity to talk about you and your troubles with the psychiatrist."

"Okay, so you know," Lisbon snapped. "Jane, please..."

Jane stared at her, his eyes watching every flicker of her body, looking for telltale signs of lying or deceit or anything that he could use against her. Nothing. He sighed and turned walking away from the open door. Lisbon watched him go; she closed the door behind her and followed him.

"I know it's hard," She said. "I know that you're having a tough time. But we are here for you,"

"I know," He replied. "Tea?"

Lisbon frowned. "You have some?" She looked around the empty home.

"No, I was just making sure you didn't want any," Jane replied. "Tell me,"

"Tell you what?" She asked.

"What's wrong with you," Jane replied.

"Ah, so you haven't worked it out." She smiled.

"Well I know that you are seeing a psychiatrist, you are getting headaches at an increasing level, I can only assume that you're hiding a brain tumour and that the psychiatrist is helping you through the five stages of dying," Jane shrugged.

Lisbon was shaking her head. "You have it all wrong," She said.

"Good," Jane said. "Cause if you were, I'd have to find ways of manipulating my new boss and I really don't want to do that." He sighed. "What's really wrong?"

Lisbon sighed. She rubbed her forehead. "I just... I'm having all these new thoughts and feelings that I haven't had in a while."

"Understandable." Jane shrugged.

"Understandable?" Lisbon asked.

"Well, all cops are deeply repressed individuals. They focus on their work and only their work making it difficult to access all emotions and thoughts." Jane replied leaning against the kitchen counter. "So, who is the lucky man?"

"There is no lucky man," Lisbon replied.

"Liar," Jane smiled.

"Alright, I don't like this conversation anymore." Lisbon said.

"What were the painkillers for?" He asked.

Lisbon said nothing. She folded her arms staring outside. She sighed. "They numb everything," She said.

"You're using drugs to numb emotional pain?" Jane asked.

Lisbon nodded. "I find it works better than paying a shrink 200 dollars an hour to talk out all my problems."

"Lisbon, those weren't just painkillers. Those pills were vicodin. Serious medication," Jane said. "Lisbon look at me." She did not turn. "Lisbon,"

She turned, tears in her eyes. She stared at him. "You wanna talk problems, let's talk about yours! You're closing off from everyone, running out of the office, not talking to Rigsby or Cho. Not teasing Van Pelt on her views of the afterlife. What the hell is wrong with you? And then you deflect, no, you are boy wonder, you can't have any problems. You always see the faults in others and never just admit that you need help. I've grown up. I've accepted that I'm going crazy over some guy, why can't you just do the same?"

Jane pulled Lisbon towards him, holding her forearms forcefully. "Because!" He raged. He sighed, blinking back emotion. He stared at his feet and then looked at her. "Because," He said in a hushed voice. "I can't. I can't deal. I can't do this. Every day is another disappointment. Another disappointment to myself, to my wife, to my little girl. Every day, Red John grows stronger, while I sit here unable to do proper justice to him. And it's killing me, Teresa. I can't, I just can't,"

He let go of her and turned away.

"Jane," Lisbon said. She sighed. "Patrick,"

He turned to look at her. "I'm sorry," He muttered. "I'm sorry," he turned and ran up the stairs. Leaving Lisbon in the dark, her face highlighted by the crescent moon.


	4. Chapter 4

Lisbon and Jane lay on the mattress, head to foot staring at the ceiling. Lisbon had kicked off her boots and had draped her jacket over them. Jane had unbuttoned his waistcoat, one hand under his head and the other resting flat on his stomach. They lay in silence for a while, lost in their own thoughts. Lisbon could see the crescent moon drifting through the clouds.

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong with you?" Jane asked, breaking the silence, his voice soft and gentle. So much so that at first Lisbon didn't think he had spoken at all.

She sighed, stretching her legs slightly. Jane winced playfully at the smell of her feet. She smiled over at him.

"Sorry," He muttered.

Lisbon let herself fall back onto the mattress. "I don't know," She said. "It's nothing bad-"

"Well that's good," Jane said. Lisbon smiled and said nothing. Jane looked over at her. "Why won't you tell me what's wrong?"

"It's personal." Lisbon replied.

"Teresa," Jane sat up, leaning on his elbows. He stared at her, his eyes glistening in the moonlight. Lisbon stared at him. She had never noticed how... Angelic... His hair, his cheekbones... Lisbon shook the thought from her head. "You know I am always here for you. You can trust me."

"It's nothing," Lisbon muttered, sitting up, pushing her legs over the mattress. Her fingers entwined in her dark hair.

"Vicodin isn't nothing," Jane said. "It's a serious chronic pain medication. I want to know why you are taking it."

"Jane," Lisbon smiled. "I'm fine. Don't worry,"

Jane stared at her, and then he nodded. "I respect your wishes," He said.

"Thank you," Lisbon said. Jane smiled a little then fell back onto the mattress, resuming his previous position. He closed his eyes, breathing heavily. Lisbon's fingers twisted the fibres. The room was cold and she hadn't realised how so until that moment. "Jane?"

"Mm?" Jane didn't open his eyes.

"Do you not have central?" She asked. Jane's blinked and sniffed.

"No," He said.

"Why not?" Lisbon asked.

"The bill hasn't been paid in a few months. They cut me off." Jane shrugged.

"How can you live like this?" She asked.

"Easily," Jane replied. "I barely notice the cold now." Lisbon sighed, saying nothing. Jane stared for a few minutes. He sighed and got up, moving towards the built in cupboards. He slid it open to reveal a line of suits. He reached up and pulled out a worn blanket. He sniffed and unfolded it, draping it over Lisbon's shoulders.

"Thanks," She muttered. "Why do you have a spare?"

"In case the other is in the wash," Jane shrugged lying back down on the mattress.

Lisbon stared at him. "Is that a lie?"

"Yes," Jane said. "You're getting good at this."

"Thanks," Lisbon said. "I did learn from the master."

"Oh, Lisbon, please," Jane said, blushing slightly.

"Unfortunately you weren't available," Lisbon continued.

Jane's face fell slightly. He said nothing. He sniggered though, acknowledging Lisbon's sense of humour. Silence ensued again. Lisbon leaned back against the wall, watching Jane's eyes flicker to and from the red smiling face painted on the wall. She too became mesmerized by it. It was heart-breaking to watch. Jane let his fingers trace over the cracks in the wall. They lost themselves in their own thoughts again. Unable to think of anything new to say that wasn't to do with their personal troubles, Lisbon spoke up again.

"Jane," She said. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Depends how personal," Jane replied, breathing softly.

"What's it like to lose a child? Is it really as bad as people say?"

Jane shifted uncomfortable at where this new angle of the conversation was going. His eyes shot open and he sat up. "Why would you ask me that?" He asked. "You've lost family before,"

"Yes," Lisbon said. "Parents. But that's nothing. Everyone loses their parents at some time or the other. I can't imagine someone having to bury a child and surviving it."

"If you can't recall, Teresa, I didn't survive it." Jane said coldly. "Can we please change the subject?"

Lisbon stared at him. "I'm sorry," She said. "I was just curious,"

"Yeah, well, curiosity is not what killed the cat. It's what got the cat's family hurt," Jane snapped. He stopped himself, looking away slightly. "Sorry," he muttered.

"It's okay," Lisbon said.

"Are you really not going to tell me what's wrong with you?" Jane asked.

"Nope,"

"Double negative. You're now obliged to tell me,"

"Don't try and think that you can work that crap on me and I'll fall into it." Lisbon said. "I'm fine, Jane. Seriously. Just drop it."

"I wish that I could," Jane said. "But I'm a very inquisitive being."

"I am aware of this," Lisbon replied.

Jane smiled, staring at the ceiling. "You're seriously not going to tell me?"

"No, I don't trust you enough to tell you."

"So, the trust fall didn't work?"

"Trust fall?"

"Doesn't matter," Jane said, smiling slightly.

Lisbon stared at him. She tugged at the blanket, pulling it further over her shoulders. "For the last 18 months, I've been feeling these things for this guy. But I don't like them. I mean, you know how psychological pain can manifest as physical pain?"

"I am aware of this," Jane said. "So you take the physical pain and numb it the same way counselling would rid you of all the pain altogether? Teresa, that's messed up."

"That's what you're focusing on?" Lisbon asked. "You're not gonna ask about the guy?"

"Do you want me to ask you about who the guy is?" Jane asked. "No, it's not my business to know."

"Who are you and what have you done with Patrick Jane?" Lisbon asked.

Jane smiled. He sat up further. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." Lisbon said. Jane smiled at her. "What time is it?"

"Erm." Jane reached for his watch. "My watch is broken," He said. "Can't help you,"

"Ah well," Lisbon stretched and stood up. "I better go home,"

"No," Jane said, grabbing her hand. They looked at each other for a second and stared at their interlocked hands. "Please, stay,"

"Jane," Lisbon said. "I can't,"

"Stay the night," He insisted. "Please, just keep me company,"

Lisbon nodded. "Alright, just for tonight though," She said. She sat back down on the mattress. "Budge up," She said. Jane obliged, moving slightly. "So, is this the only mattress you have or do you have a cot stashed away somewhere."

Jane said nothing, staring at the red face. "Teresa," He muttered.

"Yes?" Lisbon stared at him, his curls gleaming. She wanted to stretch out and touch them. She bit her lips staring at him.

"Nothing," He whispered, his eyes flickering. "Teresa?"

Lisbon edged towards him. "Yes?" She whispered. They were so close now. Lips centimetres apart. Lisbon felt her heartbeat quicken. Jane sighed and pulled away.

"Maybe I should go home," She said.

"Maybe," Jane said.

Lisbon nodded and picked up her shoes and jacket. She pulled them on quickly and left. Jane turned staring at the wall. Tears pouring thick and fast down his cheeks.


	5. Chapter 5

Jane entered the CBI office and placed a small box on one of the tables. He lifted the lid and smiled over at the team. Cho raised a patient eyebrow.

"I brought donuts," Jane said.

"Why?" Rigsby asked picking one up.

"I thought we could use a treat." Jane replied.

"Lisbon's looking for you," Cho said.

"Oh," Jane looked around before straightening his waistcoat. He cleared his throat. "Why?"

"I don't know," Grace said. "She's in her office phoning up everyone she knows looking for you,"

"Oh," Jane said again. He sighed and left for her office. Her blinds were drawn again and it looked like she had switched the lights off. He knocked on the door and poked his head inside. "Hey," He said.

Lisbon looked over. "Never mind, found him." She put the phone down. "You're late." She stated.

Jane nodded. "Yes," He said. "Sorry about that, watch broken, no sense of time... Excreta, excreta, excreta," He said. "You wanted to speak with me?"

"Yes," Lisbon said. "I wanted to say... what happened last night... I mean..."

"Teresa," Jane smiled. "Nothing happened. Don't beat yourself up about it." His smile stretched across his cheeks. "Are we done? Yes? Goodbye,"

"Jane!" Lisbon called, she began to follow him. She took his arm and brought him back into the office. "I wanted to apologise," She said, stuffing her hands into her pockets.

Jane pointed at her. "Liar," He smiled.

"What?"

"Er..." Jane's eyes flickered. "Never mind." He checked his cell phone. "Isn't it time for your pills?"

"Don't change the subject." Lisbon said.

"Well, I don't like the subject." Jane said. "Can I leave?"

Lisbon sighed, nodding. "Yeah, okay," She said miserably.

Jane stopped at the door. He sighed and turned around. "What's wrong Teresa?" He asked.

"Nothing," She shrugged. "I just wanted to talk, and apparently you don't. Doesn't matter. You can go."

Jane nodded. His curiosity was spurred but he refused to partake in its evil. He shook his head slightly and then turned and left. He fell onto his sofa and folded his arms. He let himself drift away into an uneasy sleep.

...

Jane woke up as someone sat on his legs. He grunted, rubbing his eyes. "Lisbon?" He asked.

"No," She replied. "Your mom."

"Ah," Jane nodded. "Well, mom, I gotta admit you picked the wrong day to be sitting on my legs."

"Move then," Lisbon said.

Jane sighed and got up, sitting to one side. "Everyone out for lunch?" He asked.

Lisbon nodded.

"And not you?" He said.

"No, I had something already," Lisbon shrugged.

"Liar," Jane replied. "You had a jelly donut and..." He frowned looking at her. "A soda. Maybe and apple..."

"No apple," Lisbon said.

"No..." Jane smiled. "I didn't think there was an apple."

"Oh aren't you just the little mind reader?" Lisbon said. Jane smiled at her. He reached forward and she drew back. "What are you doing?" She asked.

"You're necklace," He said kindly, delicately holding it in his fingers and untwisting it. Lisbon felt her heart quicken. He sat back. She tried not to blush.

"Thanks," She muttered.

"It's no problem." Jane replied. He sighed tapping his foot. "Well. This certainly has been a productive day,"

"It's a good thing when we aren't working flat out on a case."

"Meh," Jane said. "Maybe," He let his eyes fall around the office. "Want to get a bite?" He asked.

"Where?" Lisbon asked.

"I dunno," Jane shrugged. "We could go to MacDonalds,"

"Er. No."

"Ah," Jane thought for a moment. "I know." He stood up and grabbed his jacket. "Get your purse and meet me in five minutes at my car."

"No,"

"What?"

"I am not letting you drive me around in that death machine."

Jane frowned. "What's wrong with my car?" He asked.

"What's right with it?" Lisbon asked. "No, we'll take the jeep."

"But you don't know where we're going," He complained. "C'mon, let me treat you,"

Lisbon stared at him. "Fine," She said. "Fine, but do not go over 50mph."

"Deal," Jane said. "Now would you hurry up?"

Lisbon suppressed a smile. She went off to her office leaving Jane to himself. He sat back on the sofa thinking a little. He was trying to rationalize lunch with Lisbon. He pondered the thought for a moment. Was this a good idea when he was feeling so... The word stuck in his mind. He couldn't even bare to think it. He swallowed the horrid ideas down and left the offices. Lisbon was already waiting for him beside his car. He smiled at her, unlocking the doors and getting into it.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"A little place I know of,"

"That does not fill me with confidence." Lisbon said.

"Don't worry," He smiled starting the car and pulling out of CBI. "I'm not going to take you anywhere dark and dangerous,"

"Again the confidence level is not increasing," She said. Jane grinned a little as they drove up the streets. Lisbon sat watching him intently. "Jane?" She asked.

"Yes?" He replied, raising an eyebrow.

Lisbon thought for a few seconds. She sighed angry with herself. "Did you... See any good movies lately,"

Jane laughed. "No," He took a left. "I don't go to the cinema that much,"

"What was the last movie that you went to see?" She asked.

"Um... Harry Potter," He said.

"Oh well that's not so bad," Lisbon said.

"It was the first movie."

"Oh," Lisbon looked away. "Sorry,"

"No biggie," Jane replied. "What about you?"

"Same," She shrugged. Jane gave her a look in the rear view mirror. She stared at his eyes. "I mean, I haven't been to see anything in a while. Work and that."

"What's 'and that'?" Jane asked.

"None of your business,"

"Well it got me intrigued," Jane replied. "You either tell me and make it anti-climactic or you don't tell me and I keep pestering you until you fess up."

Lisbon contemplated this. "No,"

"'No' what?"

"I'm not saying a word," She said.

"Fine, then I won't tell you where we're going,"

"I'll find out eventually,"

"Yes, eventually," Jane said. "Mm. A slight complication, I will admit,"

He turned right and headed up a steep hill. "It's a big complication," Lisbon replied.

"Is not," Jane shot back.

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Is it little Pete's cafe?" She asked.

Jane kept staring at the road in front of him. He sighed and pouted his lip. "Yes," he said. "Yes, okay, it's Little Pete's cafe. And yes, either I am becoming more predictable or you are getting better at this whole thing."

"Aw, Jane," Lisbon said. "Yes, you are becoming predictable,"

Jane looked over at her, raising an eyebrow. "How dare you? I'm not predictable," He smiled a little. "You're just getting good at this,"

Lisbon gave a tiny smile. Her cell began to buzz angrily. She sighed and pulled it out. "Lisbon," She said. "Yes... No he's with me... Alright," She slammed it off. "Turn around,"

"We just got here!" He complained. "We are entitled to lunch!"

"Not when the state's top lawyers has just been killed." Lisbon replied. "Turn around,"

Jane sighed and nodded. "So predictable." He muttered.


	6. Chapter 6

"Jane? You in there?" Van Pelt slid the door open. Jane was sitting next to the window, pen in hand and his face full of concentration. He looked up when she entered.

"No," He said. "I'm busy,"

"Lisbon wants you to take a look at this," Van Pelt stretched her arm out, a file in her hand. Jane took it from her and flung it on the table not really caring.

"Like I said," He repeated. "I'm busy,"

"Doing what?" Van Pelt moved to pick up a file. Jane snatched it away, putting it on the table. She raised an eyebrow. "Red John?" She asked. "Jane..."

"Don't start," He replied. "I don't need this from you,"

Van Pelt stared at him. "What's in the box?" She asked. Jane followed her gaze to the wooden box that Max had given him. He took a moment to think of something.

"Just pens," He said. "I like a neat desk. And I like pens."

"Oh," Van Pelt smiled. "Right, so um... Will you come down?"

Jane picked up the file and read it for a second. He handed it back to Van Pelt. "It was the wife," He said.

"Okay how?" She asked.

"She uses way too much mascara," Jane replied.

"So?"

"So, she was insecure about herself. This man is a greedy selfish bastard and he uses her repeatedly. One day she snaps and kills him. Easy. Honestly a monkey could figure it out,"

"Okay, no need to insult me." She said.

Jane stared at her. He sighed. "Sorry," He muttered. "I'm just tired."

"Did you eat today?" Van Pelt asked.

"What am I? 3?" Jane snapped. He shook his head angrily looking back out the window. "I'm sorry. No. I haven't."

"Right," Van Pelt picked the file up. "I'll get Cho to bring up a sandwich."

"Thank you," Jane said. She turned to leave. "Grace," He said. She looked over her shoulder at him. Jane sighed. "Rigsby never went out on a date," He said. "I lied. He's not over you,"

Van Pelt stared at him. "Well, too bad for him. Because I'm over it."

Jane nodded. "Right,"

She left. Jane pulled forward the box, opening it and pulling out the gun. The metal cold on his skin. He closed his eyes, and drifted. He could end it right here. He could be reunited with them in short minutes if he just pulled the trigger.

He slammed down the box lid. He refused to think those thoughts. His teeth tightly clenched he stood down and lay back on the bed.

He stared at the wall. Breathing, heavy and difficult. The door slid open again. Lisbon entered, a sandwich on a plate.

"Hey, Jane-" She stopped herself. "Patrick," She said. "I got you a sandwich."

Jane looked up at Lisbon. He smiled. "Hello," He said.

Lisbon smiled, sitting down beside him. Jane took the plate and put it to one side. "Been up to much?" She asked.

Jane shook his head. Lisbon pursed her lips. She took his hand. "You alright?" She asked.

"Fine," Jane replied standing up, putting his hands in his pockets.

Lisbon stood up, watching him intently. "Thinking about Angela?"

Jane nodded. "Yes,"

"You okay?"

"Yes,"

"Do you want to know who the guy is?"

"Yes," Jane turned watching her. Lisbon bit her lips. She stared up at him. He sighed. "No," he said. "That's your business."

"Okay," Lisbon nodded. "So, something is wrong,"

Jane smiled over at her. "I'm thinking about my wife. Of course I'm not alright,"

"Jane," Lisbon caught his hand pulling him towards her.

"Yes Teresa?" He asked

"Nothing," She replied. They edged closer, their hands entwined. Jane's hand crept around Lisbon's waist and they turned slowly almost in a dance. Both felt each other's hearts quicken. "Are we dancing?" She murmured.

"I think we are." Jane replied. He began to hum silently. Lisbon watched him carefully.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked.

"Doesn't matter." Jane replied softly. Lisbon leaned against him, listening to his heartbeat.

"Jane," She said. "Your sandwich."

"It can wait," he muttered. His hand cupped around her chin, raising her face to his. He moved in to touch her lips. And feel the tingle of her skin next to his.

"Jane..." Lisbon fell into his tender kiss. They let themselves surrender to their deepest desires. A kiss soft and passionate. Wet. His face was wet. Lisbon's eyes flickered open. Her face was wet too. They were both crying. She pulled away from him.

"No," Jane said, his hand grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her closer.

"Jane," She said, pushing him off. "Jane."

Jane didn't want to stop. In her arms he felt no longer lonely and it felt comforting. He felt happy. He pulled her forward again.

"Jane. No." She pushed him away. He stared at her. She took a deep breath. "You're doing this for all the wrong reasons,"

"No, no," Jane replied. "don't say that," he moved towards her again.

"No, you're feeling vulnerable about your wedding anniversary," Lisbon said.

"Please don't turn this into something it's not," Jane muttered.

"Jane," Lisbon kept him at arms distance. He stared at her as slow realisation hit him. He felt suddenly ashamed and embarrassed. But he felt that he had committed one of the biggest betrayals. He took a sharp intake of breath. He felt sick. "Jane?"

"Just..." he sighed, shaking slightly. "Just go."

"Jane..."

"Get out!" He bellowed.

Lisbon had never seen him angry before. She nodded and ran off. Jane paced and slammed his fist against the wall. There was a satisfying crack and his hand began to throb impatiently. He swore under his breath. He threw the sandwich to the ground and lay on the mattress. His thumb twisted his ring. His face wet.

"Sorry Angela," He whispered. "I'm so sorry,"


	7. Chapter 7

_**Wonder what you do  
Or where it is you stay  
these questions like a whirlwind  
they carry me away  
And i said who will bring me flowers when it's over?  
And who will give me comfort when it's cold?  
**_**Thriving Ivory – Flowers for a Ghost**

Lisbon sat her head in her hands. In front of her was a half empty bottle of tequila and several pills scattered on the coffee table. She was tired and couldn't even bring herself to watch the TV. Right now, _Idol _was on mute. An upside was she couldn't hear the drone of people thinking they could sing. She wanted to leave. She just wanted to get on a plane and leave. Maybe go to Paris. Maybe fly off to India. She sighed and swung her legs over the sofa and poured herself a tumbler. She stretched her old jumper over her legs, wanting to sleep but not able to. Next to the bottle of pills was her cell. Several missed calls from Van Pelt. Maybe a couple of text messages. Lisbon had put it on silent. She wanted to be alone. She hadn't heard from Jane and she suspected that he was playing the whole "I'm-gonna-hide-from-my-problems-cause-apparently-that's-what-normal-people-do".She hated the act. It was stuck up and pretentious and to be quite honest, she was gonna ignore him anyway. She was not in the mood to play his stupid immature games.

There was a soft knock at the door. "Go away!" She shouted, knowing it was either Cho or Rigsby looking for her.

"Teresa," A soft voice whispered through the door.

Lisbon stood up. _Jane.. _She stumbled towards the door, her hand on its handle. She didn't want to open it. She didn't want to confront anything that would make her feel vulnerable. She sighed_, _her head fell against the door, listening to his breathing on the other side. Jane pressed his own head against the door, his hand stretching over the wood, imagining where her hand would be. On both sides of the wood, their fingers met.

"I want to apologise for the way I acted," He whispered. "I'm sorry," He waited. "Teresa?"

Lisbon said nothing. She let out a heavy sigh, banging her head against the door. She twisted her tiny crucifix between her fingers. _God give me strength. _She blinked away tears. Not vulnerable. Never. Not around him.

"Teresa?" Jane whispered. "Teresa, please,"

Lisbon opened the door. "It's okay, just... Just don't do it again,"

Jane nodded. He put his hands behind his back and looked at her, his eyes filled with sincerity and he looked lost in his surroundings. He pursed his lips.

"Are you..." He sighed. "Are you okay?"

Lisbon nodded. "I'm tired."

"Yes, well... Long days and too much liquor will do that to you," Jane said, almost smiling. His face fell as he stared at her.

"No," She said, leaning against the doorframe. "I'm tired of this," She said, she gestured at herself and then him.

Jane frowned at her. She sighed. "I'm tired of this game. The "will-they-won't-they" scenario. I'm tired of trying to understand. I'm tired of all of it. It's too much Jane. I don't want to play it anymore. I don't want... I don't want this... If being with you is going to be like this..."

Jane nodded. "I'm sorry." He said.

"Well, as long as you're sorry," She replied. He looked downhearted.

"I'll go then?" He said.

"I think you should." Lisbon said. She watched him smile sadly at her. He turned and left, walking away. She watched for a second before slamming the door shut. She let out a shaky breath. She sat down, still leaning against the door. Steadily she got to her feet and went to get a drink. Her attention was caught by the small paper frog, that was sticking out from inside the bookshelves. She picked it up, remembering when he gave it to her, she smiled and unfolded it delicately, the paper worn after so many years.

_Teresa – spurred your curiosity have I?_

She smiled staring at his messy handwriting. She shook her head. "I must be mad," she grabbed her jacket and tore out of the apartment, only in a large football shirt. She ran down the stairs, shouting his name.

...

Jane pulled his car keys out of his pocket and slipped them into the lock. He twisted it slowly and sighed looking up at Teresa's apartment. Her light was on and he could see the muted _American Idol _through the blinds. He sighed turning back to his car. There was little he could do now. He contemplated going back to the office, but then remembered that he left Cho in a bad mood and a tense atmosphere between Grace and Rigsby. Home it was then. Back to the memories. Back to the old life.

"JANE!"

He turned. Lisbon was running towards him, in her hand the old paper origami frog. She jumped onto him, wrapping her arms around her neck. She kissed him passionately and he held her close.

She pulled apart for a moment and he smiled up at her.

"Spurred your curiosity did I?" He asked teasingly.

"Shut up," She said, pulling him closer, running her fingers through his golden curls. Jane spun her, lifting her up and wrapping his arms around her waist. They pulled apart, smiling at each other. Lisbon saw something in Jane's eyes... But only for a second and then it disappeared. She pulled him forward.

He pulled away staring at her appearance. "Aren't you cold?" He asked.

"No," She replied. "It's California, not Alaska,"

"I was being kind," Jane replied. "You're showing way too much flesh than necessary. You could have at least put on a pair of pants. Maybe some shoes... I mean I'm not asking for Jimmy Choo's but you know, it would be nice if you made an effort."

"Oh shut up," Lisbon pulled him forward again. He grinned. But he saw Angela staring at him. He felt disgusted with himself, but he needed her. He wanted to succumb to these... stupid...

"No," He muttered.

Lisbon pulled away. "What's wrong?" She asked.

Jane stared at Lisbon.

"What the hell kind of game are you playing?" She shouted. "Choose! Now! Jane!"

"I'm not playing a game." Jane said, his hand cupping the base of her head and pulling her towards him. "I'm sorry,"

Lisbon fell back into his warm embrace.


	8. Chapter 8

_Jane woke with a start. He stared at the ceiling, his breath shallow and unsteady. Cold drips of sweat fell off his skin. Beside him was the sleeping Lisbon. She looked peaceful and serene as she slept on. A small breeze fluttered through the window, Jane sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. He switched on the bedside lamp and swung his legs over the side. He leaned against his knees, head in hands. The alarm clock read an absurd time, he had only had a few hours sleep. A sob wrenched from his lips and his frame shook uncontrollably. He felt sick rise to his throat. _

"_Daddy!"_

_He looked up. His breathing slowing. "Charlotte?" He called out, his voice breaking. _

"_No," Said another voice. "Your wife,"_

_Jane turned to see Angela sitting beside him. Her nightdress soaked in blood and a watery filter over her eyes. _

"_Ang..." Jane reached out to touch her. _

"_You promised me Patrick." She whispered. "You promised me Red John."_

"_I'm close, Angela." He assured her. "I'm so close..."_

"_You betrayed me Patrick. You promised."_

Jane shot up from his bed. He breathed, letting out a sigh of relief. He lay there on his single mattress, no one beside him. The smiling face leering down on him. He pulled the soft thin blanket over him, kicking off his loafers. He turned, punching his pillow.

...

"Teresa,"

Lisbon turned to see Jane walking towards her. She let a smile spread across her face. The team looked at her for a moment. She turned to them. "Let's go get Holtz, I'll meet you at the van in a few minutes." They nodded like sheep and scattered. She turned back to Jane.

"So... Do you wanna talk or..." Jane signalled after Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt. "Should we go find Mr Holtz?"

"It gets them outta here doesn't it?" Lisbon said. "What's up?"

"Er... About last night..." Jane said. "I want to say sorry,"

Lisbon rolled her eyes, piling files on top of each other and handing them to him. "Is it just me, or do you spend half your life apologising to me?" She asked.

"Seems that way," Jane grinned. "Well, just so you know I am."

"For kissing me or for not bedding me?" She asked.

"Er... The second option," Jane replied.

"Oh," Lisbon gave a smirk and walked off, picking up her coffee mug as she went. Jane followed behind her, laden with files.

"It's just..." Jane said. "I know that you've been waiting for a long time and... I... Well... It wasn't fair."

Lisbon turned and smiled. "Jane-" She stopped herself. "Patrick," She said. "I was not looking for sex. I don't care about that. It would be too insensitive. You're still in mourning, and I couldn't do that to you. All I needed to know was that you were willing to move on."

Jane frowned as she went into her office. He followed and stared at her.

"You sure?" He asked.

"Positive," She replied, sitting down.

"So you're not mad at me."

"If I was mad, I would be shouting," She said. "Patrick, seriously, don't sweat it."

"Right," Jane put the files down on the desk. Lisbon smiled.

"Do you want to go grab a bite to eat?" She asked.

"I would, but I have to go and do something." Jane replied.

Lisbon looked a little downhearted, but she didn't show it. "Oh, okay. Just don't do anything drastic."

"Cross my heart." Jane said.

"Mm. You've used that expression before." She said. "It does not fill me with comfort,"

"Nor does a lot of the things I do," Jane replied sweetly. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. As he did so, he had the image of his wife. He drew back and sighed. Lisbon stared at him carefully, watching his micro-expressions.

"Patrick?" She asked.

"Mm?" Jane pursed his lips, and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

She sighed. "Doesn't matter," She said. "Go do whatever you think you need to do."

"Yes," Jane left.

Lisbon stretched her legs putting them up against the desk. She closed her eyes, reaching for a prescription bottle in her pocket. She looked at them for a second twisting the white pills in her fingers. She pouted, putting them away. Her cell began to ring. She watched it for a moment then picked it up.

"I'll be there in a minute," She said.

"_Right boss,"_

She slammed the phone down and got up, picking up her jacket and leaving. She caught Jane sitting by himself at Van Pelt's desk. She had the urge to go to him and tell him that they were needed. She fought the urge. She didn't need to do this to him. She rolled her eyes and walked off down to the parking bay where Cho, Van Pelt and Rigsby were waiting for her.

"You alright?" Van Pelt asked.

"Sure," Lisbon replied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"It's just you and Jane are acting weird," Rigsby said.

"Are you sleeping together?" Cho asked directly. Rigsby and Van Pelt shot him a look, which he ignored. "We're all thinking it."

"It's one of your business-" Lisbon started.

"So that's a yes?" Cho asked.

"Cho, if you don't stop, I'll put you on phones for a month,"

"Sorry boss," Cho replied.

"Thank the lord," Lisbon opened the car door and climbed inside. She waited for the team as they got into their seats. As she was about to pull out of the lot, she say the figure of Jane running towards her. She pulled up beside him and wound down the window. "Coming?" She asked.

"What?" Jane asked. He looked at the car. "Mm... No, I'll pass."

"Then what is it?" She asked.

"It's daisies right?" Jane asked.

"I beg your pardon?" Lisbon asked.

"Its daisies not roses, right?" Jane insisted. "Or is it bluebells?"

"What the hell are you on about flowers for?" Lisbon snapped.

"So it is daisies?"

"Jane!"

"Okay, thanks Teresa," Jane said. "That helps greatly. Oh, hello guys, off to see Mr Holtz? I wouldn't bother if I was you. He hasn't got the money."

"Why not come along and explain to us why," Rigsby asked.

"Meh," Jane shrugged. "Car journeys, radio, friendly banter, boring," He smiled up at Lisbon then turned and left. Lisbon watched him for a second frowning.

"Are you sure you're not sleeping with him?" Cho asked.

"Cho, the warning will quick become a reality," Lisbon snapped.

"Sorry," Cho said.

Rigsby raised an eyebrow. Van Pelt pursed her lips. They shared a look between them that spoke louder than words. Even though they didn't know what was going on, Jane had taught them that they could never trust the answers that they were given.

...

Lisbon opened her office door and took in a sharp gasp. Jane sat at her desk, carefully folding a tiny green frog. He smiled at her.

"Well/" He asked. "What do you think?"

"I think..." Lisbon moved around the delicate paper frogs that covered the surface of her floor. "I want my office back," She said.

Jane gave a laugh. "Do you like it?" He asked.

"Jane... I..." Lisbon picked one up. "Why frogs?"

"The legend goes that a man who can fold a thousand paper cranes may be granted one wish." Jane said. "Thing is, something tells me you don't like birds that much. Then I was going to do a thousand folded lilies, but then I remembered I couldn't do them... To intricate..." He folded the paper one last time. "There." He smiled. "One thousand origami frogs"

"Jane, I don't know what to say," Lisbon said.

"Don't say a word." Jane said.

"What was the thing about the daisies for?" Lisbon asked.

"Ah, yes," Jane said. "It meant nothing,"

Lisbon frowned. "What?"

"Well, it did, but you'll have to wait." Jane smiled.

"Just tell me," Lisbon said.

"I don't want to," Jane replied. He leaned down to kiss her but paused. He pursed his lips, sighing, the image of his wife stuck in his mind. Lisbon waited. He opened his eyes. Instead he pecked her on the check and left. Lisbon stated around her office and blushed a little.


	9. Chapter 9

Lisbon picked up the smallest of the origami frogs. It was intricately and expertly made. Not knowing what she was doing, but spurred by the memory of what Jane had put in the last frog that she opened, she slid the paper apart and a small daisy fell out onto her lap. Her lips parted into a smile. She picked it up staring at it. Lisbon looked around her office and out onto the main floor. She couldn't see Jane. Frowning slightly, the daisy in her hand she went to the kitchen. Jane wasn't there either.

...

Jane was alone in the CBI attic. He stared at the ceiling, his hand on his stomach. A gentle expression across his face and a tiny tear trickling from his eye. He had no idea what he was doing. He just wanted to be away from her for a while. Just a little while. He turned on his side, trying to remember who his wife used to be, but it was so hard. His memories of her had been corrupted and distorted so much by rage, by hatred, by a deep suffering that was unlike anything else. He kicked off his loafers stretching out. Then he tried to remember his daughter. The way she used to play the piano on Sunday afternoons. Jane struggled to remember the tune, but it was soft. Pleasant. Like the pillow he now rested on.

Charlotte had always wanted to be a writer. She used to sit up in her yellow room, writing stories and plays and poems all day long. Jane wished he could go back and take out more time to read them. He wished silently that he had been a better father.

He heard the door slide open. He looked up. Lisbon stood at the door. She was smiling, the daisy in her hand.

"Ah," he murmured. "You did get it,"

"How did you know I liked daisies?" She asked.

"I had a hunch," Jane shrugged.

"A hunch?"

"A very strong feeling,"

"Feeling?"

"Okay! I had no idea," Jane said.

Lisbon laughed. She closed the door and sat on the edge of his bed. "Budge up will you?"

Jane shifted slightly and Lisbon lay beside him. She stared at the ceiling too, thinking about little things. She looked over at him.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked.

"Nothing important." Jane shrugged.

"There's no such thing as 'nothing important' with you," Lisbon replied.

"True,"

"So you're not going to tell me?"

"I see no need,"

Lisbon rolled onto her side. Jane did the same so that they were facing each other. He let his hand fall upon her cheek, touching her skin. She moved closer into him. "Jane, I need to know this will go somewhere," She murmured.

"I know," Jane replied.

"I need to know that you're not just playing me for the sucker I am,"

Jane edged closer. "I never do that," His fingers played on her soft skin. Lisbon took his hand, placing it on the small of her back. Jane felt a shock of electricity fly through him. But he didn't back down. Her lips touched his in a soft tender kiss. They drew apart, breathing quietly. Their lips touched again, becoming stronger. Jane was the first to pull away, Lisbon grabbed his cheeks and pulled him closer to her. Jane submitted rather reluctantly. He pulled away again and turned his head.

"Someone is coming," He muttered.

Lisbon rolled off the mattress, fixing her hair as Rigsby entered.

"Boss, Holtz is willing to make a deal," he said. He looked between them. "Is this a bad time?"

"No – Get Holtz's lawyer in my office in five, I'll be down in a moment." Lisbon said.

Rigsby nodded and left. Lisbon turned back to Jane. "I'm sorry," She said.

"It's okay," He replied. "You gotta go." He sat up and shifted her hair from her face. He kissed her softly, her eyes closing as she let his skin touch hers.

"I should get..."

"... You should..."

"I should... Get... Going..."

"..Yes..."

Lisbon kissed him, pulling him close for a moment. She broke off then smiled at him. "I'll see you..."

"Later," Jane finished.

"Yes,"

Lisbon held his hand for a few seconds before leaving. Jane watched her go. He then felt physically sick with himself. He felt as if he had just created a great sin. Trying to hold himself together, he sat up, staring at the floor. He let out a loud sigh and got up from the makeshift bed. He gathered up his suit jacket and made his way down to the main office.

"You okay?" Grace asked, as she pulled something out of the microwave.

"Mm?" Jane asked, sitting down. "Yes, fine. Erm..."

"There's no milk left," Grace said. "And the milk that we do have, is off."

"Great," Jane said. "So why isn't it in the trash?"

"Because Rigsby wants it to turn into cheese."

"Couldn't he try that at home?"

"He could, but its Rigsby, he'd probably eat all the whey before the curds got a chance to turn into cheese,"

"Fair point," Jane said. "How are you Grace?"

Grace stared at him. She shrugged. "Y'know, same as ever."

"Still pining over long lost loves?" Jane asked idly.

Grace nodded. She sat down. "My life is going down the drain,"

Jane stood for a moment. He sighed and sat down opposite her. "Grace," He said taking her hand. "Listen to me, screw the rules."

Grace frowned. "What?"

"Screw the rules." Jane repeated. "Listen to me. It's obvious you love him, and it's even more obvious that he loves you... Why would you not want to be together? You can find other jobs, you can go other places. I'm told that America is a big place."

Grace smiled slightly. "Just like you and Lisbon?"

Jane's smile lingered. "What?" He asked.

Grace blushed. "I'm sorry..." She said. "But you and her... You're kinda meant to be together."

Jane stood up and turned away. "Well... I don't know about that." He muttered.

Grace shuffled. "Sorry," She said. "I didn't mean to... Intrude."

"It's no bother, it's fine." Jane replied.

"Jane?" Lisbon poked her head around the kitchen door and smiled at them. "I need to borrow you for a moment."

"Sorry?" Jane asked.

"I need you." Lisbon hissed. "Mr Holtz's lawyer is trying to play some mind games."

"Surely I've taught you enough to deal with him." Jane said.

Lisbon let out a fake laugh. Her face turned. "Jane, I'm serious. Get your ass in my office. Now."

Jane nodded. "I'll be there in a minute."

"Not a minute," Lisbon said. "Now!"

Jane made a face. He smiled over at Grace. "I'll speak to you later." He said.

Grace smiled and nodded. Jane spun on his heel and followed Lisbon out of the kitchen.


	10. Chapter 10

Jane closed the door to Lisbon's office. Holtz's lawyer was sitting at the desk. He stood up and extended his hand to Jane. He stared at it for a second before the lawyer grinned stupidly. He was tall with dark olive skin and his suit was slightly dishevelled as if he had slept in it. Jane took a quick overview of him determining his weaknesses.

"I was told I was going to meet a specialist," The lawyer said. "Name's Brandon. Phineas Brandon"

"Sit down," Jane said harshly, pushing his hands into his pockets. "I'll talk to you in a minute," He turned to Lisbon. "What the hell?" he said. "You know how to handle idiots-"

"Jane," Lisbon said, clenching her jaw pretending to smile. "Now is not the time to be-"

"I was in the middle of something very busy, and you pull me away from the meeting just for that? I mean c'mon!" Jane indicated towards Brandon. "The man's an idiot. Of course he won't realise the benefits that come from killing someone."

"Wait," Brandon said. "That's not fair."

"Shut up," Jane said. "I'm not talking to you. Did I specifically say anything to you?"

"Well, no..."

"Then shut it," Jane snapped. "Lisbon, Holtz isn't innocent, we have conclusive evidence of that. And you want to let him go? Only an idiot would realise how dead this case is!" He let out a sigh. "I'm outta here,"

"Wait," Brandon said. "You have proof that he did it?"

"Yes," Jane replied. "Eyewitness testimony, fingerprints recovered from the scene, blood found on his clothes, and a gun that was logged out in his name from the country club when the murder was committed." He said. "It's obvious, if I were you, I'd get out of this case as soon as you can. You won't get a single penny once it comes to court."

Brandon stared at Lisbon. "Is this true?" He asked.

Jane winked at her. Lisbon pursed her lips and nodded. "I'm afraid so," She said.

"Right," Brandon picked up his briefcase. "Alright, you can have him another three to four days but after that, you must let him go or charge him with the murder."

Lisbon nodded. "A reasonable request," She said.

Brandon looked between them. He sighed and left. Lisbon stared at Jane. "And what are we gonna do when he finds out that you lied to him?"

"Meh," Jane sat down. "Technicalities." He brushed down his trousers. Lisbon smiled softly. She sat next to him. He smiled. "How are you?" He asked.

She looked away. "I'm fine," She muttered.

Jane sighed and put his arm around her shoulders. She fell across his chest, breathing softly. Her eyes fluttered gently as she fought against impending sleep.

"Patrick?" She whispered.

"Mm?" Jane asked.

"What does it feel like?" She asked.

"What does what feel like?" He asked in return.

"To lose everything..." She whispered. "To feel like you're losing everything? To be lost in a never ending sea of bureaucracy-"

"Sh," he murmured. "You're getting hysterical," He kissed her forehead. Lisbon let out a long breath. Jane rubbed her arm, pulling her closer. He sighed. "I can't explain it," he said.

"Try," Lisbon muttered.

"It's..." Jane took a pause. His eyes flickered over Lisbon's desk looking for a metaphor. He pursed his lips unable to find one. "It's like... Rusty thick nails, nine inches long and sticking through your heart. It's like being crushed by stones or being pelted with paint pellets without wearing the safety vest."

"Why nine inches?" Lisbon asked.

"Just enough to pierce your heart," Jane muttered. "But not enough to let you die peacefully,"

"Oh," Lisbon whispered. "Jane..." he looked at her. "... I'm tired..."

He kissed her again. "I know," He said. "Why did you want to know?"

"I just wanted to compare." She said.

"And?"

"It's pretty much the same,"

"Boss," Cho opened the door and Lisbon and Jane flew apart. Jane began to pace furiously and Lisbon blushed. Cho looked between them. His usual straight face twisted slightly into a smile. "Not interrupting anything am I?" He asked.

"What do you want?" Lisbon snapped.

"Holtz's brother is here," He said. "He's just demanded that we release him."

"Tell him no," Lisbon said.

"I didn't say request," Cho said. "He is demanding,"

Lisbon sighed. "Right," She said. She turned to Jane who raised a quizzical eyebrow. She rolled her eyes and looked at Cho again. She sighed and turned back to Jane. "Alright, what does it mean?" She asked.

Jane shrugged. "Not sure," He replied.

"You always have an opinion," Lisbon said. "Let's hear it,"

Jane shrugged. "It's probably nothing..."

"But..." Lisbon egged him on.

"It sounds like he either loves his brother enough to believe everything he's ever said to him..." Jane muttered.

"Or..."

"Or, he has a guilty conscious. Maybe from a childhood incident where he was bailed out by Holtz and wants to make it up or he killed his sister in law." Jane said.

"Or...?"

"What makes you think there's an 'or'?" Jane asked.

"You always have an alternate theory," Lisbon said. "So who was it Sherlock? The butler?"

"Nah," Jane said. "The butler is too old and kind, he is hiding a seething mass of resentment but he cares for his granddaughter way too much." He grinned looking up at Lisbon. "You just likened me to the greatest detective of all time."

"Yes..." Lisbon said. "So?"

Jane sniggered happily. She sighed and turned back to Cho. "Get him into one of the interview rooms." She ordered. "I'll be there in a minute."

"Sure thing boss," Cho said leaving.

Lisbon sighed and turned back to Jane. He had moved and was now standing beside her. She jumped a little.

"Sorry," He said.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Nothing," He said. "Irene," he leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Are you coming or not?"

She nodded and followed him out of her office.

...

Jane entered the interview room and sat beside Holtz's brother. "James is it?" He asked.

Holtz's brother nodded. "Where is Guy?"

"Guy?" Jane asked. "Oh yes, in a cell with three other men playing wet t-shirt games," He smiled. "I want to play with you,"

Lisbon raised her eyebrows.

"What?" James asked.

"A little game," Jane insisted. He looked up at Lisbon. "Do you mind?"

"As long as you don't hypnotise him I'm fine." Lisbon shrugged, folding her arms and leaning against the door.

"Great," Jane smiled. "James, I would like you to close your eyes."

James stared at him.

"Oh go on," Jane said. "I swear, I won't pinch your nose or make a loud noise,"

James sighed and closed his eyes. Jane smiled and leaned forward.

"Now, James, I want you to relax," Jane said. "Listen to me, I want you to clear all thoughts from your head... Have you done that?"

James nodded.

"Now, this is a word association game," Jane said. "I want you to say the first thing that comes into your mind. Do you understand?"

"Yes,"

Jane motioned a thumbs up to Lisbon and Cho, who he knew was behind the mirror. "Now, James. Let's start with a few simple words. Chair."

"Stake,"

"Very good," Jane said. "Tree,"

"Lightning,"

"Animals,"

"Crow," James muttered.

"I thought you would have said dog," Frowned Jane. "Drink,"

"Martina,"

"Rocks?"

"Twist," James said.

"Ah, interesting." Said Jane leaning forward. "Holiday,"

"Morocco,"

"Cho?" Jane called towards the mirror. "Was Mr James Holtz on holiday in Morocco in the last six months?" There was no answer. Jane smiled. "I'll take that as a yes. Mother,"

"Strict," James muttered.

"Oh, father?"

"Gone,"

"Lindsey Holtz,"

"Murdered,"

"Really, not kidnapped?" Jane asked, raising his eyebrow in pretend shock.

"No," James muttered. His eyes shot open. He stared at Jane, who rolled his eyes and patted James' shoulder.

"We're not done," He said. "Close your eyes again, word association continues. Now, what do you think of when I say; blood?"

"Death,"

"Death?" Jane asked.

"Yes, death!" James slammed his fist down on the table. "What the hell are you playing at? I want my brother,"

Jane leaned back. "Um, Lisbon, this man is a borderline paranoid sadist, Probably hiding something deep and dangerous about his life. I'm not sure what, but I think you should look into it." He stood up.

Lisbon stopped him. "How do you know that?" She asked.

"He paused," Jane said. "He had to think. Not exactly word association when you don't say something that comes into your head immediately," He smiled at her. His eyes flickered and he left.


	11. Chapter 11

Lisbon slammed her hand down hard on the desk. She took a sharp intake of breath before reaching for the bottle of tequila and bottle of vicodin. Her hands shook as she opened it and she swallowed two pills. She couldn't work it out. She had gone over it a hundred different times in her head and she couldn't work it out. Why did it still hurt? Why was she still in pain? If being with him was the cure, then why wasn't she feeling any better? She drank down the drink, the hairs rising on the back of her neck. Outside her office the team were clearing up from the day. Cho was working the nightshift but he was completely immersed in his book to notice anyone else going around. Lisbon watched the people leave the bullpen from her office. She took another swig, wiped her mouth with the back of her sleeve and picked up her jacket. She pulled it on and pulled her hair out from her shirt.

"Cho?" She called.

He looked up, folding his book back on itself. Lisbon closed the door to her office, tucking the pill bottle into her pocket.

"Boss?" He said.

Lisbon sighed. "I'm clocking out, do you know where Jane is?"

Cho shrugged and picked his book up. "Don't know," He said.

"Well is he still here?" She asked.

Cho's eyes flickered. "Why?" He asked.

Lisbon shrugged. "No reason,"

Cho looked at her with small disbelief. His usual face twisted into a smirk. Lisbon frowned, moving towards him, hands in her pockets. "What?" She asked.

Cho shook his head. "Nothing. None of my business."

Lisbon's frown deepened. "I'm sorry?"

"Nothing." Cho said. "I assume he's either in the attic or... At his home in Malibu. Who knows."

"He won't have gone home," Lisbon said. "Too long a drive."

"Then that concludes that he is in the attic," Cho said turning the page.

"Great," Lisbon said. She turned and began to leave.

Cho watched her. He sighed and looked over at Jane's desk. He rolled his eyes. "They think we don't know," He muttered.

...

Jane was asleep. His waistcoat unbuttoned and open across his chest. His arms folded tightly, defensive. The light still on and next to him was the notebook. Earlier that day he had downed too much caffeine pills and coffee. Now he had taken a couple of pills to calm him down. His sleeping patterns were becoming more erratic and uncontrollable. When he wanted to sleep he found himself tossing and turning in bed tormented by the idea of Red John. And when he wanted to stay awake and work he found himself nestled the next morning in barely touched notes. He turned in his sleep, dreaming of something far off and wonderful. A place where everything was right. Where there was no murder. That they had survived. All of them. Everyone. He had none of these conflicting thoughts and ideas. He had none of these evil thoughts of revenge swirling in his head.

The door slid open and Lisbon entered. She saw Jane sleeping peacefully and stopped to take in every feature. He looked so serene as he slept. She put down her briefcase and slid the door shut after her. She then made sure no one could get in. Them, tiredly, she pulled off her shoes and jacket and climbed next to him.

"Hey," He whispered.

"Hey," She murmured. Jane put his arms around her stomach and let his chin rest on her shoulder. Their eyes met.

"Something wrong at home?" He asked sleepily.

"What makes you say that?"

"... No reason," Jane whispered. He kissed her cheek.

"Can I stay with you?" She asked. "Please?"

Jane nodded. "Of course,"

Lisbon let him hold her tighter. Her fingers stretched around his arms feeling the contours, the bones the ligaments... She could feel the drugs begin to kick in. The room was spinning but she felt the pain in her lower back disappear. Jane pulled the thin blanket over them, still holding Lisbon. As the pills took effect, she felt as if she was slipping fast into blackness.

"Teresa," Jane murmured softly.

"Yes?" She whispered.

"Is it that bad?" He asked.

"Yes," Lisbon replied her voice barely touching a whisper.

"Will you ever tell me?"

Lisbon's lips fell into a smile. "Maybe," She whispered.

"That's nice to know,"

Silence ensued. Their gentle breathing began to synchronise. It was almost as if there was one life force in the room. One single life force that had one heart, one soul and one mind. Lisbon turned around to face Jane. Her fingertips stretched out and felt his face. His skin soft and gentle to touch. He smiled softly. He leaned forward and kiss her, as his hands fell across her waist and around her back. Lisbon drew in closer to him, pulling the blanket over them.

"Who are we kidding?" She whispered.

"What?" Jane asked absentmindedly too taken by the promise of sleep.

"We both... Know... That this..."

"Shh," Jane hushed her quiet. "Too much talking. Not enough sleeping."

"Who would I even refer you as?" Lisbon asked. "My colleague, my lover, my boyfriend, my partner...?"

"That doesn't matter," Jane muttered.

"It matters to me," Lisbon said.

Jane lay there thinking, trying not to answer her. He couldn't comment on that. He couldn't. She was too fragile for him to say anything. Lisbon's eyes flickered watching him wondering what was going on inside his head. Her hands found his. Jane smiled softly and kissed her.

The door slid open. Jane shot up and Lisbon did the same. Standing at the door was Madeline Hightower, her lips pursed in silent rage. She stared at them both.

"With me," She said.

"Ma'am, I can explain-" Lisbon said.

"Both of you, my office," Hightower ordered. "Now."

Jane and Lisbon looked at each other. They had known that this would happen. Just not so soon. Jane picked up his suit jacket, pulling it on. Hightower stood to the side, watching him leave the attic. Lisbon stared at Hightower feeling ashamed and stupid. Hightower folded her arms. "Coming? Or do you want to stand here and be fired?" She asked.

Lisbon shoved her hands into her pockets and followed Jane out of the attic and into the wild leaving their sanctuary behind.


	12. Chapter 12

Hightower shut the office blinds and sighed thinking hard. She moved around the office and sat down behind her desk, her hands clasped. Lisbon stood awkwardly with her hands in her pockets and Jane beside her. He too was holding himself awkwardly, his eyes dark and dangerous. Lisbon was unsure of how he would react to this. And she could only fear the worst possible.

"Well?" Hightower asked. "Let's hear the excuses,"

Lisbon stared at her. "What do you mean?"

"There is always an excuse for you two." Hightower said. "Let's hear it. I'm curious to see what Jane comes up with this time. Did you trip over your ego and land lips first onto Lisbon?"

Jane's cheek twitched. Lisbon watched him. She had the impression that he was doing very quick thinking. His eyes flickered around the room, thinking. If his mind was a machine then the cogs and electrics would be working overtime. It was a curious thing to witness. He sighed and all of Lisbon's hopes and expectations evaporated. There was nothing he could think of. Lisbon turned away, biting her lip.

"There was no excuse," He said finally, staring at his feet.

Hightower raised an eyebrow, folding her arms and leaning back on her chair. "Really?"

"Yes," Jane said. "Really," He licked his lips swallowing his pride. "I can't explain it."

"Try," Hightower ordered.

Jane took a deep breath. "I'm... I'm..." He sighed, trying to stop the nerves. "What can I say?" He asked. "What can I say? Really?" He let out a laugh. "There's nothing to say!"

"You can tell me the truth," Hightower suggested.

"It's my fault," Lisbon said suddenly and timidly.

Hightower looked over at the agent. "You're fault?" She asked.

Jane turned to look at Lisbon, his eyes suddenly compassionate. "Teresa, don't do this," He warned. He turned back to Hightower. "It was my fault. All my fault. Don't, don't blame Lisbon. I forced myself on her."

Hightower stared between them. "I'm suddenly very bored." She said. She pulled forward a pen and a file."It's against the book," She said. "I cannot allow it to continue. It's either split or quit."

"I'm sorry?" Lisbon asked.

"We all know office romances don't work," She said. "They end in resentment and lead to dysfunction in the work place. And we cannot allow that in an office that is so dependent on teamwork. You've seen how it happened with Van Pelt and Rigsby. I do not want another one on my hands."

"I understand that." Jane said. "That's why I'm quitting,"

Lisbon turned to him. "What?" She asked.

"Well, it's a perfectly response," Jane said pulling out his CBI card, he stared at the picture for a second before slipping it onto the table. "We cannot be together when we work on the same office. Therefore the most logical way forward is for one of us to quit. You can't do it because you have a very promising career in front of you," He motioned towards himself. "I, on the other hand, haven't even got a diploma and well... It's obvious." He leaned down to shake Hightower's hand. "Thank you for putting up with me." He smiled.

"Jane, don't!"

"Teresa," Jane replied. "Please, don't make this into a scene."

He smiled and leaned forward to Hightower. He shook her hand still grinning like a buffoon and left. Lisbon stared at Hightower, her bottom lip quivering with newfound hatred. Hightower folded her arms looking almost content with the outcome. She shook her head then tore down the corridor. She could hear her heart in her ears and the clatter of her boot heels against the hardwood floors drowned out by her own voice.

"Jane!" She shouted.

Jane twisted on his heel. "Yes?" he drawled.

"You're just gonna throw it all away?" Lisbon shouted. "You're just gonna leave like that?"

"Yes," Jane said. "What's wrong?"

Lisbon shoved him against the wall. "You're gonna throw it all away? All of it? All the work you've done, all the bad guys you've caught, every sodden step we take towards Red John? You're just gonna throw it out?"

Jane stared at her. "Yes," he said.

"Why?" She almost shrieked. "Why?"

"Because," Jane grabbed her arms. "Because," he said softly. "You are the most important thing to me. You are. We both know that it wouldn't work otherwise if one of us didn't quit."

"Have you always been a self-sacrificing bastard?" She cried. "I don't care. I could have gotten the better job. I could have done that. You're not even an employee here. I could get a job no problem."

"Not as good as this one," Jane said. "Don't blind yourself because you can't see the good in this. Please."

She pushed him. "What about Red John?" She bellowed. "You're gonna abandon the promise to your dead wife?"

Jane rounded on her, suddenly a dangerous man. His lips curled into a snarl. "Don't you dare," He whispered in blind fury. "I have done a kind thing for you and you throw that in my face. You throw that? Lisbon why..." He grabbed Lisbon's arms breaking down completely. "Please, Lisbon," he begged. "Please. Just... Accept this for what it is."

"Oh my god," Lisbon said as new realisation hit her. "You're going to try and track him down yourself. You're just gonna abandon it all and go after him."

"No!" Jane cried. He shook his head. "I'm not."

"You're lying," Lisbon accused. "It's all you think about. All the time. This gives you the proper opportunity to abandon law altogether."

"No!" Jane began to pace. He ran his fingers through his hair in deep angry thought. "I can't do this Teresa!" He bellowed. Lisbon jumped back. "Just let me do this one thing. Please, Lisbon. Please." He kissed the top of her head and began to walk away.

"Jane!" Lisbon shouted. She ran to catch up with him. She pulled at his arm. "No! Jane! I can't let you do this. I can't let you just walk away when things get tough. Jane, please."

Jane pulled away, turning to stare at the woman he loved. Crushed by the weight of the world, he did nothing but wipe Lisbon's hair from her eyes. "I'm sorry," He said. "Really, but... We know that this won't work. Just... Let it be. This is my choice." He kissed her. "Please."

"This is not your choice!" Lisbon argued. "Your choice would be having your family back. Your choice would be showing Red John true justice. Whatever this is, it's not your choice!"

"Of course it's not my choice," Jane said. "Nothing is ever anyone's choice. But let this be mine. Pretend that it is, for a little while. Please."

"No, Jane. No. I can't let this-"

"Shh." Jane pulled her close into a hug. "I'm fine. Really. I promise."

He pulled away, smiled at her softly and then left. Lisbon let out a defeated scream and hit the wall, tears streaming down her face. The pain had come back stronger than before. She collapsed against the wall, curling her legs up against her chest. A sob escaped her lips and Lisbon let the tears fall hard and fast down her cheeks. She heard a noise behind her.

"Lisbon," Hightower said, she folded her arms and leaned against the wall. "Lisbon, pull yourself together. Everyone knows it was the right thing to do. Now get your team assembled, Mr James Holtz has just gotten into a scrap with Phineas Brandon – his brother's lawyer. Wouldn't know anything about false charges would you?" Hightower sighed and sat next to Lisbon.

"What happens now?" She asked.

Hightower shrugged. "I wouldn't know. What I do know is that you have to pick yourself up and continue with your work. You solved cases before him, you will still solve cases now that he's gone. Perhaps even better with what he has taught you."

Lisbon bit her lips, and gave a shaky nod. The two women got up and left the CBI corridor.


	13. Chapter 13

Lisbon closed the van door and looked over at Cho and Rigsby. It was obvious that she had been crying and Van pelt gave her a sympathetic smile. Lisbon tucked her gun into the hoister before wiping a strand of hair from her face.

"What's up?" She asked.

Rigsby frowned. "Er... Holtz and Brandon got into a fight, it ended rather roughly..."

"And..." Lisbon pressed.

"Well, Holtz is missing, Brandon was found unconscious, and he's been treated at the local hospital. The motel manager said that they were shouting about false charges. I'm assuming that Jane had something to do with Jane," Rigsby craned his neck. "Is he coming?"

"No," Lisbon said.

"Why not?" Cho asked.

"As of today, Patrick Jane doesn't work at CBI," Lisbon said.

Cho frowned. "Why?"

"Because," Lisbon said, rubbing her lower back. "Because he's a selfish bastard and well... Let's not talk about it."

Cho and Rigsby looked at each other. They nodded and turned to leave.

"Hey!" Lisbon bellowed after them. "Where are you guys going?"

Cho turned back to the boss. "You can handle this right?" He asked.

"Yes, but that-"

They had already climbed into Cho's car and were now speeding out of the lot. Lisbon and Van Pelt looked at each other. Van Pelt smiled.

"You okay?" She asked.

Lisbon nodded. "Why wouldn't I be?" She replied.

"You and Jane... it's not the biggest secret ever kept."

"Keep personal matters out of the work," Lisbon snapped.

"Sorry boss," Van Pelt muttered.

...

Jane was letting the water fall down his back with gentle ease. He was humming along to a song on the radio, ignoring all his thoughts and all his guilt. He turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around his waist. He could hear knocking at the door. He stood thinking for a moment. Wondering who it was. If it was Lisbon then he wasn't moving. And he hated cliché moments when the couple meet over and over and end up fighting. He wasn't opening the door to her anger. Brought bad karma into the house and he smiled slightly at the irony.

"Who is it?" He called.

"It's us!" bellowed back a voice.

"Who is 'us'?" Jane asked.

"Cho and Rigsby,"

"Oh," Jane grabbed his dressing gown, tying it securely and running his fingers through his wet hair. He sighed pitifully and went downstairs and opened the door for them.

He was met with a punch to the nose. He almost fell back before strong hands grabbed him and pulled him straight making sure that he didn't fall over.

"Assault!" He shouted. "Assault on a civilian! You should be arrested for that!"

"Oh shut up, no one's here." Cho said pushing Jane into his home. Rigsby looked furious. Jane blinked in pain before looking up at them. He held his nose and made sure it wasn't broken or bleeding.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"For leaving the CBI," Cho said.

Rigsby's face softened and he grabbed Jane into a big bear like hug. Jane stared at Rigsby's neck confused and a little hurt by the muscles. "Cho... He's hugging me."

"I know," Cho said, folding his arms and leaning against the door frame. "Be quite you don't want to scare it away,"

"Ah, true," Jane said. "Wayne, I hate to admit this, but I'm not wearing anything under this dressing gown other that a towel."

Rigsby's eyes widened. He dropped Jane and looked away. The three men shared an awkward moment before Jane pointed at the stairs. "I'm gonna go... Get... Um... Dressed."

Another awkward pause before Jane cleared his throat and looked around his home. "Please... Make yourself..." he motioned. "Well... You know." He smiled briefly before running upstairs. Cho and Rigsby looked at each other.

"Cool man," Cho said.

"Shut up," Rigsby muttered closing the front door and looking around the empty house. He and Cho moved around looking for something to sit on or at least lean against. Cho sighed and sat on the carpet, pulling out his book before and flicking to the page. Rigsby moved around the empty room.

"I thought he would have at least one chair." He said.

Cho raised an eyebrow.

Rigsby rolled on his heels. "Is it a good book?" He asked.

"Why?" Cho asked.

"It looks good," Rigsby said. "And any spare moment that you have you're reading it."

"It's okay," Cho shrugged.

Jane bounded back downstairs, tucking his shirt into his suit pants. He smiled over at them. "So, I understand the punch on the nose - which still hurts by the way – but what was the hug for?"

Rigsby grinned. "For you and the boss,"

"Oh," Jane said. He pursed his lips. "Fancy something to eat?"

"Yes," Rigsby said automatically.

Jane smiled and then led them into his kitchen. He opened a few cupboards and checked a couple of jars. He made a noise of disdain.

"Do you want some... Muddy garbage like coffee?" He asked.

"No," Cho said.

"We don't?" Rigsby asked.

Jane smiled and opened his fridge. He pulled out an ice pack and put it beside the sink. He made another noise of disdain. He licked his lips. After a moment he closed the door and looked up at Rigsby.

"I'm afraid I have no food here, present with me." He said.

"It's okay," Rigsby said. "We'll order a pizza."

"And braid each other's hair whilst watching Health Ledger on '10 things I hate about you'?" Cho asked sarcastically, folding his book back on itself and putting it into his suit jacket pocket.

Jane stayed silent. "No." He said. "No pizza,"

"Why?" Rigsby asked.

Jane stared between the two agents. "I... Er... I don't like strangers coming to my house," He admitted.

Another awkward pause was shared. Jane cleared his throat and applied the ice to his nose.

"What did you mean by 'oh', when I mentioned you and the boss?" Rigsby asked his brow curling into a deep frown.

Jane sighed and poured a glass of tap water. He sipped it and looked at his loafers. "I meant... I meant I'm not going to be seeing Teresa again,"

"What?"

Jane took a step back expecting another fist to the face. Rigsby and Cho folded their arms and stood shoulder to shoulder. If Jane hadn't known them so personally then he would have taken a guess that they were the real Men in Black.

"Why?" Cho asked.

"It's..." Jane poured the water down the sink. "It's complicated."

"Complicated?" Rigsby asked. "How is it complicated? You left CBI to be with her. Didn't you? Jeez, if I did that I would never want to be away from the girl of my dreams."

Jane stared at Rigsby ready to make a retort but he sighed and shook his head. "It's... A lot more complicated than just us working in the same office." He said.

"It's Red John isn't it?" Cho asked.

Jane blinked and nodded tiredly. "Yes,"

"Why?" Cho asked.

"I need closure," Jane said.

"Why can't you just go to their graves and say you're sorry?" Rigsby asked.

"Because..." Jane let out a bitter laugh. "It's not that kind of closure."

"You're being moronic," Cho said.

"No, I'm not," Jane said, his anger finally snapping. "This is the smartest thing I've ever thought of. If I stayed, then Red John is always going to be lurking at the back of my mind and you have honestly no idea what that's like. How could you?" he smiled a little. "Someone once wrote that out of great tragedy comes great strength and new opportunities. If... If my wife and child were still alive, I would still be in the psychic business. I would be happy. But... And it's a horrible thing to say this, but, through them dying, I have met many wonderful people and helped many more lives than I ever would have making up lies. It's hard knowing that this... Man, whatever he is, man, woman or organisation, is still out there, taunting and teasing and doing this same old dance. And until I can find some peace in that, then Teresa and I are practically doomed."

"Yeah, but-"

"Rigsby, please," Jane said, holding his hand out to stop him. "I'm just trying to the best thing for both of us. And it's gonna be hard. I know that. But, I gotta do it. I gotta,"

"Yeah, but-"

"Rigsby, shut it," Cho said.

Rigsby fell silent. Jane smiled slightly and tapped Rigsby's arm. "It's okay to care."

"So are you..." Cho looked around. "Are you going to track him down?"

Jane frowned. "I'm sorry?"

"How are you gonna find him?" Cho asked.

"By working," Jane smiled.

"Working? Where?" Cho asked.

Jane's grin grew more and more. He motioned them to follow him. Cho and Rigsby shared a look. They unfolded their arms and followed Jane through the home and into a small room at the end of the hall. Jane switched on the light. On one side of the wall was a map of the world and red string connected by pins criss-crossing over the entire surface. Pinned to each point was a post-it note with a small detail.

Cho looked it over and sighed. "Jane, you've finally lost it,"

"No," Jane said. "It's perfect. "I can detail everything this way. Look!" Excitedly he motioned to the other wall where a selection of old police photos were plastered. Cho stared.

"Those are..."

"Your photos," Jane finished. "Yes, I had them duplicated so I could work on Red John if I had ever left CBI, I never thought I would have this much free time,"

"It looks like you've gone and stolen Dr. Mohinder's wall," Rigsby said.

Cho raised an eyebrow.

"Like, from 'Heroes'," Rigsby said. "C'mon, you gotta have watched it."

"No," Cho said.

"Well, yes that's where I got the idea from," Jane admitted. "But it's focused, really,"

"Jane," Cho slapped his friend on the shoulder. "I'm telling Lisbon,"

Jane's face fell. "Please don't."

"Why not?"

"Because I told her a bare faced lie that I wasn't going after him. If she found out then she'd kill me,"

"Yay!" Rigsby said. "One less idiot to worry about."


End file.
